


Innuendo In your end-o

by NanoSketch



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Lots of Innuendo, Peridot wears skimpy stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 15:35:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7111948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NanoSketch/pseuds/NanoSketch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peridot doesn't wanna do any thing this summer until Lapis (and Pearl but she's not important) Invited her to a beach party<br/>*Told in Peridot's POV</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Beaches and Baths

**Author's Note:**

> Warning lots of sex jokes! (warning for the young-ones)

**Can I cum ovr - Jasper**

**Why not? also its texting not street art - Me**

**wutevr nrd be thr @ 5 - Jasper**

**Aliright then you know where the spare key is - Me**

**Yor way 2 trustin- Jasper**

**Shut it - Me**

Jasper must have some screws loose. I thought as I set my phone down. Summer break just let out and I felt, alone. I got used to the constant drabbles from Pearl, or Jasper and Amethyst rough-housing, Ruby's bragging, Sapphire's constant reminders, and well, Lapis wasn't that memorable. "I just got to eat" I grumbled as I got off my bed, It wasn't made and I swear I have a mountain dew under it some where, I opened my door to my room and waled down the stairs. Before I could get to the kitchen, someone knocked on the door. I checked the clock and it sure wasn't Jasper. It was only 3. Hesitating I looked through the peephole.

"Shit"

* * *

 

"H-Hey Pearl, and Lapis!" I stated as I opened my front door.

"Why hello Peridot I hope we were not coming at a bad time, but I would like to come over" Pearl bluntly stated.

"Thanks for the fucking warning" I said hearing a snicker from Lapis.

"How bout you put on some clothes nerd" Lapis pointed out.

I took a look at my attire and well. It was a bra and some shorts and none of which covered my nudity underneath. "I-I'll go do that" I said while darting into my room.

Jasper better hurry up. I threw on some clothes I got out of my closet. I don't wanna go down there even Jasper gave a call beforehand. I darted down the stairs quickly and Pearl quickly spoke up.

"How's your summer?" She asked

"Pearl It's June fucking first why would have any thing to tell you when school fucking ended yesterday. Not only that, but the entire season of summer has not yet begun and the purpose of that question could leave you unsatisfied in many ways. BUT the sad part is if I asked you the question you would think I'm a fucking imbecile. So Pearl? It has been a nice. summer. break." I retorted

"Don't gotta be a bitch about it." Pearl snapped.

"Hold the fucking bullshit lovebirds tell her what you were actually going to tell her. Cuz yah fucking suck ass at small talk." Lapis said interrupting are little rebuttal.

"Yes what I meant to ask was do you wish to join us at the beach tomorrow? They are throwing a party for the beginning of summer break" Pearl gently asked

"Yah and you can wear what you wore earlier as a bathing suit!" Lapis snorted

"S-Shut up Lazuli!" I snapped hiding my privates for some reason. "And yah sure I'll come"

"Thanks we will be leaving now" Pearl pitched in.

"Just don't show up naked, or do, It might make it more fun. " Lapis added giving a wink as she shut my door.

* * *

 

WELL SHIT

I gotta turn down my cursing, but I don't give a fucking shit. It's fucking five thirty and I wanna take a fucking bath, but noooo I had to let fucking Jasper come over. AND SHE IS FUCKING LATE! Whatever screw it i'm taking my bath.

* * *

 

10 minutes later

***creeeeeek***

"JASPER WHY DON"T YOU FUCKING KNOCK!!!!" I shouted as Jasper rudely walked into the bathroom.

"Well excuse me princess- OW!" Jasper said covering her nose as I hit her with shampoo bottle.

"So- OW- I heard -OUCH- Lapis and Pearl came over -FUCK- Did you get laid? -MOTHER FUCKER-" She kept questioning.

"First of all yeah they came over, Second of all NO!" I shouted.

"Third of all your naked" Jasper laughed.

"GET. THE. FUCK. OUT!" I yelled slamming the door.

* * *

 

It was a brand new day and I had to wear a bikini almost the whole god damn time. I actually showed up to the beach party and met up with Ruby, but left because she was basically mashing her face with Sapphire's. A little over thirty minutes passed until well. Lets just say some one placed their boobs on my head and there name is Lapis.

"Whats up dweeb" Lapis said hanging over me. I immediately grabbed what was on my head to get off and i didn't know what it was so well what I heard was.

"Mhm getting frisky huh?" Lapis whispered.

"Woaugjhh!!!!" I stammered wiping my hands off quickly.

"Whatever, I'm just fucking with you" She snorted.

"Shut up you fucking clod!" I yelled storming to the bathroom.

* * *

 

It was quiet in the bathroom. For at least five seconds.

"Ruby!"

"Saphy!"

"M-more!"

Yep they were doing it in the stalls. And they wern't doing quietly either how wonderful Instant regret

Well so much this beach party. I stood in the bathroom for ten minutes. Just in a stall. listening to every sound.... My question is why do I get so flustered by Lazuli? I don't even know. Maybe I could redeem my mistake. Because this bikini cost 30 bucks.

I slowly walked out of the bathroom when Ruby stoped riding Sapphire's fingers like a horse. I bumped into a few friends but didn't speak to the and I began to chat with Pearl.

"What's up birdy" I said

"Nothing what about you triangle head." Pearl laughed

"Same, but here's a warning don't go in the bathrooms." I chuckled

"Why is tha-" She stoped mid sentence seeing Ruby and Sapphire leave the bathroom. "Oh"

"well nice chat gotta go!" I said walking off

do I even want to stay at this party I mean its pretty fucking boring. And just like luck would have it I ran into Lapis at the exit.

"Hey wonder nerd."

"Hey Lazuli" I said

"Why so glum? hit a dark spot" Lapis cheerfully spoke

"Nah" I mumbled

"You know what here" She handed me a small slip of paper

"Whats this" I asked

"My phone number"

"Well I gotta go thanks!"

I just scored I got Lazuli's number! This is the best summer ever!

 


	2. Jasper's a prick that tells crappy advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot tries to think of what to say when she calls Lapis, but she can't so she goes to Jasper's house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 300 hits! Thanks! Time to keep writing.

**Ugh**

Every since Lazuli gave me her number, three days ago, I've been all hot and bothered. Everytime I want to call her I don't because I have  _no_ idea what to say. So I gave up and asked the totally not dumb Jasper for advice. I was going to ask Pearl but she is kind of a bitch.

* * *

**Hey Jasper- Me**

**Wtf u want- Jasper**

**I need advice -Me**

**Use yor Fukin words-Jasper**

**I need advice on how talk to girls- Me**

**Lik talkk or get in their pants-Jasper**

**The second one :/ -Me**

**Whateva come over at 4- Jasper**

* * *

It was eventually 4 o'clock and even though I'm going to abhor this evening, I wanna get close to Lapis, NOT THAT KINDA CLOSE, so I sucked up and knocked on Jasper's door.

"I DON'T WANT ANY GOD DAMN GIRLSCOUT COOKIES" Jasper yelled as if someone ripped a football in half in front of her.

"It's me shit for brains" I yelled, maybe the door was as thick as her head.

"Oh it's Peri the pussy pumbler" Jasper said opening her door to let me in.

"Says the one who goes to the strip club every weekend" I mumbled walking to her living room.

"Ugh it smells like you brought one home already." I gagged smelling her couch.

"Frebreze is expensive" Jasper huffed.

"Hookers are expensive too Jasper" I retorted.

I'm starting to remember why I don't go to Jasper's house often. To understand why my nose wants to kill itself is because Jasper's house smells like a puddle of BO and vomit. I mean the house looks nice for a person whose parents work out of town like forever but other than that. It stinks.

"So how'd a number two like you end up with a eight like Lapis" Jasper snorted.

"We're not dating Jasper" I stated. But Jasper is right Lapis is way out of my league I can't compare with her.

"Whatever, so here is my advice. You call Lapis act all proud and stuff. And just be cool really. Gloat about yourself. Say how good you are at, idk whatever you fucking do. Finally ask to hang out, NOT DATE. If you ask her to date she'll be all skeptical and stuff so just try my advice." Jasper finally finished.

I picked up my phone and dialed Lapis's number.

* * *

"Hey Lapis!"

"Hey."

"Well... I just did this really cool thing and I'm pretty good at it, It super cool and stuff—" 

"What did you do find a bra that's smaller than A cup"

"S-Shut up!" 

"Whatever, so you wanna hang out somewhere?"

"Sure how about that donut shop that opened a few months ago"

"Sounds good, well I gotta go, see you tomorrow"

"Okay bye!!!!"

 ***

"That went well I suppose" Jasper said.

"Yah it kinda did"I said even though the advice Jasper gave totally backfired and was complete and other bullshit.

"Yah well you can get the fuck out of my house now." Jasper said non chalcantly

"Okay then" I muttered leaving, well it was better then going over to Pearl's house. Maybe just maybe it could have been better but fuck it.

* * *

Whatever tomorrow will be like I hope I won't have to hear Ruby and Sapphire 'stalling' heh get it? Nice one Peridot.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry for the short chapter. It's just I've had writers block. And this chapter just felt like a mini transition to the next one which I promise will be at least 700 words. This whole project wasn't supposed to be dramatic and huge it's just a little satire of all the overly sappy and dramatic love stories out there. Thanks for reading....


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